SG Fun: A Stargate Podcast

S3 E10: Oh Yeah! *That’s* Why Daniel is on the Team

Season 3 Episode 10: Forever in a Day

OK, so for some reason two Goooldies having a human sex-made baby creates some fucking magic. And for some reason they’ve never tried this or oopsied this before Apophis and Sha’re?

Anyhoozles, that’s what’s up and now she’s dead and Daniel is searching for her magic baby instead of  for her, so he’s around honoring this dying wish of hers. Sarah won’t miss TV Sha’re’s tremulous cries to Daniel every time she shows though. Like, bye Sha’re.  (Tory dropped some tear, tho).  

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S3 E9: Coachella Apophis

Season 3 Episode 9:  Rules of Engagement

Hashtag False God Apophis got real desperate for soldiers and Earth destroyers before he died, leaving a band of child warriors for the Gate Gang to stumble into. To be fair, half were dressed like SGX, a totally non-existent thing, and so like, a totally perf trap.

Say, did you all know corn and cotton are indigenous to North America? That knowledge may save your life one day. Anyway, Sarah somehow avoids talking about the problems with both of those crops. Amazing.

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S3 E8: The One Where They Both Drink Gin

Season 3 Episode 8:  Demons

“They” is Sarah and Tory and good listeners, you will hear that gin is a one-at-a-time recording juice for these two goons.

The question of this one is To Savior or Not to Savior for Jack. Jack saviors in the end, but for some reason is reluctant about it this one time. This one time when he practically gets to be Jesus.

OK. Hey, real quick, did you all know Sam also was Jolinar? Tory and Sarah almost forgot.  

Also, more apologies for the intermittent publishing.  Real Life, yo.  

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S3 E7: Boba Fett: A Star Gate Story:

Season 3 Episode 7:  Deadman Switch

OK, so the Gate Gang waltzes (they are so casual all the time) right into bounty hunter 1980s Flash Gordon’s trap!

Flash is funny as hell, sort of super rogue Jack O’Neill, making this episode extra fun. They’re supposed to nab a Goooldy in exchange for their freedom, but dude is Tok’ra! But guess what? They devise an Everybody Wins in the End scenario, the end.

P.S. Sorry for the break in our regularly scheduled programming.  Real Life stepped on our digital feet last week!

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S3 E6: Short Hair is for BOYS!

Season 3 Episode 6: Point of View

Yikes! Sam Prime meets Other Dimension Sam and their biggest problem with all of that is Sam Prime’s unladylike short hair. Long hair makes Sam Part Deux all kinds of weepy. (To be fair, her husband COLONEL MUTHERFUCKING JACK O’NEILL just died in battle.)

Interdimensional (still) evil Teal’c has a soul patch, in keeping with what we all know about Interdimensional evil twins. Teal’c evils like a boss and Daddy gets collared, literally.

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S3 E5: Earth Savior Complex:

Season 3 Episode 5: Learning Curve

Jack bonds with yet another kid and takes this shit next level with a kidnapping and hanging out on an elementary school playground.  He also tests just how far subordination can stretch and finds it can go all the way to major crimes without snapping.   He is a very slow learner.  But also, the script gives him a win with an indirect saving of their souls. Wow.

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S3 E4: That Hair Cut Would Drive Anyone Mad, Really

Season 3 Episode 4: Legacy

Daniel somehow ends up with Ma’chello’s marbles and it makes him actually seem to go mad, all padded room style.

Turns out it’s just some pandemic in the making that Sam and Fraij solve or kill or cure. (Where are these two geniuses at now and like, in 2020?) Too bad they destroy this virus that Ma’chello made to pandemmy all over the Gooolds, huh? That’s a pretty short-sided thing to do.

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S3 E3: Nah! More Like, Unfair Game

Season 3 Episode 3:  Fair Game

Something like three spicy Gooolds show up for a Gooold-to-hoooman treaty party hosted by the Asgards (who are reprehensible in their application of the Prime Directive. Like, Thor is just using it to fuck with Jack.)

Since the Gooolds engage in foul play against each other, the hooomans win this one and Earth will not be annihilated. Phew! (Asterisk: they are officially denoted slave and host material for the Gooolds, but OK.)

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S3 E2: Yanni and Linda Evans

Season 3 Episode 2:  Seth

In a true art imitates life situation, a Fabio-haired, mustachioed man leads a cult just outside of Seattle and some people take him seriously. (You have Google if you need it.)

Women under Seth’s spell are all sex slaves while men get all kinds of jobs but also their nuts hacked off. So.

Coincidences abound and SG-1 manages somehow to be anti-Fed with the Feds already on the job.  

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S3 E1:Teal’c Turns to Toastmasters

Season 3 Episode 1:  Into the Fire

Early Retirement Teal’c is bored of golfing and seeking his second chapter via rabble rousing, but he really sucks at inspiring through speeches.  So like two people sign on to his Kill the False Gods Brigade.

But hey! At least Daddy came to see him speak…and to rescue SG-1 after all. Hathor dies an Emperor Palpatine death, so like, maybe she’s only mostly dead.

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