SG Fun: A Stargate Podcast

S2 E12: Thank God Jacob’s Not Allergic to Shellfish

Season 2 Episode 12: The Tokra Part 2

Oh! Did I mention last time that the Gang is being held by the Tok’ra until they can safely make it off-world to their next hiding place?

Sam’s dad might die without saying goodbye, the smartest Tok’ra’s host is also dying, and the Tok’ra evacuation is interrupted by Goa’uld attack! In conclusion you probably guessed that Jacob becomes the new host, the Tok’ra are cool with diplomatic relations, the mole is found, and everyone makes it home. Maybe this could have been a one-part episode, you dig? I’m sure someone could properly edit that together. If that exists, give us a call and a heads up at (425) 610-6554.

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S2 E11: Hey, Did I Tell You Guys About That Time I Was Tok’ra?

Season 2 Episode 11:  The Tok'ra part 1

Oy vey, Sam still won’t shut up about how cool she is now that she’s got Tok’ra memories and shit and a little bit of superpowers.

The Gate Gang goes to a planet based on her memories and finds the Tok’ra, a group of (WE ARE NOT) Goa’uld who claim to be Team Resist with all voluntary hosts. Sam is about to get it on with her Tok’ra’s mate when Daniel, clearly sickened by all the consent in the air, interrupts with disdain.

The U.S. tries to initiate an alliance with the Tok’ra on behalf of the whole world but the Tok’ra quickly point out that humans ain’t shit. Oh! And there’s a Goa’uld mole in the mix. Oh! And Sam’s dad is secretly dying of cancer. BTW: Turns out later Sam has a brother but I guess they hadn’t written him yet because no one calls him to say good-bye to dad.

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S2 E10: Where’s YOUR Symbiont Now Moses?

Season 2 Episode 10:  Bane

Teal’c loses his shit a little bit–like a little probably came out–when a giant bug lands on his back and delivers a dose of zika virus on a gajillion steroids and his DNA starts changing…think Brundle-Teal’c.

Meanwhile Jack threatens a fellow Air Force Colonel with assault and murder several times, no big probably, because that guy is a certified douche knuckle. Sam is like, OBSESSED with making sure everyone knows she has been a To’kra, even though it isn’t really helpful. Daniel is probably also there, but busy emailing us at verticalwateringhole@gmail.com

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S2 E9: Blarf

Season 2 E9: Secrets

Sam and O’Neill are off to DC with Daddy Hammond because they won a prize from the president! Probably a plaque or small piece of etched glass or even one of those ribbon pins they wear.

We find out Sam has a dad. He’s trash. Teal’c is bored so he goes to Abydos with Daniel and proceeds to bear witness to a real low point for human men. Daniel is a self-centered shit show. Mostly tho, this episode is about men having meetings to make decisions on behalf of specific adult women without consulting those women AT ALL.

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S2 E8: Mmmm, We Don’t Know Her:

Season 2 Episode 8:  Family

The Gate Gang rush off to save the son of Teal’c, only to find that his wife has been replaced by a whole nother lady! No worries!

Teal’c is still DTF and almost gets the whole gang killed for it. But all’s well that ends well if you consider getting that bratty little kid back from Apophis to be “well.”

Also, it’s convenient that the false wife of Teal’c is freed up by the death of her second (treacherous) hubs. Is Teal’c a “cuck” now? Call and let us know at (425) 610-6554 or answer in the text of your glowing review on your podcatcher of choice.

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S2 E7: Why Does Daniel Argue Like a Seven Year Old and Keep Getting his Way

Season 2 Episode 7: Message in a Bottle

Anyone else have a Sting song stuck in their head now? This episode is really cool! It bests this plot as attempted by other shows, it looks cool, MacGyver cries like a real human man person, Teal’c proves to be hella more solid a friend than Chewbacca.

Hey, should we start posting our descriptions on IMDB? Let us know at VerticalWateringHole@gmail.com or in the text of your glowing five-star review.

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S2 E6: I Think Gairwyn was Fixin’ to Leave Her Husband Anyway

Season 2 Episode 6:  Thor's Chariot

Yep, the Gate Gang destroyed Thor’s Hammer, a planetary protection device, to save their own asses, and then peace'd the fuck out without any thought given to consequences.

This episode could be called Consequences Suffered by Less Privileged People that are a Direct Result of Actions of Privileged People to Benefit Themselves Only. I just feel like the Federation would have thought to make sure the Cimmerians would be safe. But I guess this show is about 20th Century People, notable for being total trash.

Also Gairwyn stands over the fresh corpse of her husband with a real “meh” attitude about his death. Oh, and the Viking gods are actually the Ass Guard or Grays.

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S2 E5: An ABC After School Special

Season 2 Episode 5:  Need

The gate gang is captured because of something Daniel does, then forced to mine un-obtainium or dilithium or whatever it’s called on this show, without food or rest while D acts like a real D by trading his teams’ lives for coke, a side piece, and fancy digs. He betrays fucking everyone, even his wife, who isn’t even there. A real Judas sitch.

Episode ends with insufficient closure for the team and viewer alike and a detoxed Daniel looking like total shit. Don’t do drugs, I guess. Or at least stay away from the Sarcophagus, no one’s sure what’s in that.

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S2 E4: White People Learn Nothing From Horror Films, and Three of Them Drag T’ealc Down With Them

Season 2 Episode 4: The Gamekeeper

If you love a good time loop, or any time loop really, then this episode's for you!

Jack gets gaslighted as Teal'c observes, Problematic Daniel has his childhood trauma exploited for entertainment as Sam wears a weird blazer, and at some point archeologists used gas station carabiners to hoist large, stone-made shit. Someone--we’ll call him Fuckface McGee--has his own people and SG-1 hooked to VR machines for his own entertainment and power. He is a real dick. They talk their way out of it, the end.

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S2 E3: The Gate Gang Would Actually Team Up with Timothy McVeigh if it Meant Saving Their Own Asses From a Gruel-filled Future:

Season 2 Episode 3:  Prisoners

What heroes! Imprisoned after a huge bullshit of a trial (for life!), the gang teams up with an inter-global sociopathic, uber evil doer to escape. They vet her less than McCain vetted Palin before giving her access to their entire base and computer system, leading to both her escape and her renewed reign of terror. Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool.

TBF, that prison did super suck.

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